My full story
We all have a story, don’t we? For all of us, that is if you are human, our lives from a very young age are filled with challenges, obstacles, thoughts, trauma and events which shape us into the unique versions of who we are today. In addition, sharing our stories with each other creates intimacy, connection and the feeling of belonging. I can imagine our ape-like ancestors sitting around newly discovered fire, using sounds and gestures to tell of the day’s events. Sort of like me when I try and speak Dutch or German.
I will continue writing about the various topics which shaped my life, but for today, I will tell only a little of the road I travelled to become a coach and why I chose this option. I've divided my story into sub sections. My motto is: Only read what you need. Bloggers tend to go on and on a little, I want you to cherry pick only the parts which you find interesting or is applicable to you.
From a very young age, I remember feeling frustrated with not having answers. I felt like there must be something out there that I don't know of to help me deal with the stuff that I had to deal with. I started reading self help books at the age of 11 or 12 because I always had this insecure & anxious feeling hanging around me and I just wanted practical tools to feel better, immediately. Looking back now, I guess that insecure, anxious feeling came from my biological father who left at the age of 2 and I never saw him again. I have no recollection of him either, but from stories told by my 3 older sisters, grandmother and mother, the 2 years I was around before he left was filled with a lot of trauma and hurt. I am glad I missed it, nevertheless, this is one of the things that shaped me.
Divorce:
At the age of 21 I married my high school not-so-sweetheart. We had already been dating since I was 15 years old and marriage, even at such young age, seemed like the logical next step, because of course logic is a good reason for getting married (note: that was sarcasm, look out for it in my writing). Our relationship had been filled with me being totally insecure and him not helping that feeling at all. Nevertheless I married the guy and a mere 6 months later was hit with a dead cold fish called infidelity. The marriage hadn't been great anyways. He had been "working" all the time and I cried a lot. I was anxious and scared. I felt insecure, as if something was wrong, which it was. I remember I was at my mom's place, crying and talking to her about how it sucked being married and how I don't know what is going on with, let's call him Jack-A, just for fun. I looked at my phone and had received a SMS, yes, you read right, SMS, do you remember those things? Anyways, the SMS read that I should wake up because my husband is sleeping with someone else (using less than decent language though). The messages went on and on about the details of my house, when the sheets had been changed, what is lying in the bathroom and that there is a button of the Jean-pants of the other woman pinned to our dart board from when it fell off during passionate sex they were having. I don't know what it feels like to have a heart attack, but that day it felt like I was having one. All the blood felt like it was draining from my body, my heart pounded, it felt like I was too small for my skin. I got up and walked around frantically, I felt EVERYTHING which was bad all at once. I felt like I was dying. My mom held me as I broke down and all I could think of was that button, pinned in plain sight and I had never noticed, I had to see it. I rushed home and sure as hell, there it was. I couldn't believe my eyes. I confronted Jack-A, he didn't deny or confirm it but he made no effort to try and comfort me or stop me from leaving. And so I left. The "other woman", actually, also only a girl, 18 years old, was my friend, they worked together. I saw them together a couple of days after I had moved out and they married not long after the divorced was finalised.
Yeah, so divorce. How did I overcome that? At the time I was overweight by around 18KG. I put all my extra time and energy into becoming healthy. I lost weight, exercised and I looked and felt great. I received compliments daily on how I looked. I was totally proud of myself for achieving the weight loss and being so disciplined. Oh gosh, I was SO disiplined.
